My Guitar Lies Bleeding In My Arms
by Hardyzschic
Summary: Sql to Show Me The Way to Your Heart. Prt 4 in the Songs For the Soul Series. Nora forces Jeff to choose who he really loves.


[pic]  
  
My Guitar Lies Bleeding In My Arms  
  
Song by: Bon Jovi Story By Hardyzschic  
  
Jeff stood up, laying his guitar aside and paced around his hotel room, mentally chewing himself out again. He had goofed up big time this time and he had as of yet figured out how to straighten things out between him and Nora. Things had been going so good between them and he was finally beginning to feel safe around her, and that's what scared him. The security he had felt with Nora made him think of another time he had felt secure. The last time he had felt secure around a girl she had ended up leaving him for his best friend. Jeff remembered that pain and had been determined not to go through that again. [pic] [pic]Misery likes company, I like the way that sounds  
  
I've been trying to find the meaning, so I can write it down  
  
Staring out the window, it's such a long way down  
  
I'd like to jump, but I'm afraid to hit the ground [pic] [pic] If it had been anyone else but her he knew Nora wouldn't have questioned him talking to her or hanging around with her. Nora knew the effect she had on him though. Nora knew that she was a weakness with him, and yet he was stupid enough to talk to her anyway. It had honestly only been talking at first, but then with her talking always led to other things. She had invited him out for a drink, and even though he rarely drank anymore he agreed to go, looking back now he knew it was one of the biggest mistakes he could have made. He just hoped it wasn't going to cost him the best influence his life. He just hoped it wasn't going to cost him his relationship with Nora. He hadn't thought about her coming to look for him, he had never expected to see Nora there in the bar. They had gone out to the dance floor and danced for awhile, when a slow song came on and she had pulled him close, melding her body to his, bringing many memories rushing back to him, memories of a time that had long since passed, memories of when they were together. She was seductively sliding down the front of him, putting on a show for the other dancers who had stopped to watch. He had his eyes closed, trying to avoid the feelings that were rushing over him when he felt someone else standing close to them. He had opened his eyes and found Nora standing there with tears running down her face. She hadn't made a scene or gone into a rage, she had just looked at them and then turned and left, running from the bar in tears and she had taken his heart with him as she ran. He had left her standing shocked on the dance floor and ran out after Nora. Come to think of it he hadn't even looked back to see her reaction, finding Nora and setting things straight had been the most important thing.  
  
I can't write a love song the way I feel today  
  
I can't sing no song of hope, I got nothing to say  
  
Life is feeling kind of strange, since you went away  
  
I sing this song to you wherever you are  
  
As my guitar lies bleeding in my arms  
  
He had caught up with Nora in the parking lot. She turned around when he had yelled for her, with tears streaming down her face. When he finally reached her and had started to say, "I'm sorry" she had stopped him by putting her finger to his lips. She had said quietly "Don't Jeff. Don't say it if you don't mean it. I'm not going to compete with her for the rest of my life. Its time for you to decide which of us means more to you. You have to decide which one of us you want in your life. I'm not going to play second best anymore." With that said, and without waiting for his reply she had stood on her tiptoes and kissed him gently on the lips and then without another word she had gotten in her car and driven back to the hotel, leaving him standing there speechless in the parking lot as it started to rain.  
  
I'm tired of watching TV, it makes me want to scream  
  
Outside the world is burning, man it's so hard to believe  
  
Each day you know you're dying from the cradle to the grave  
  
I get so numb sometimes, that I can't feel the pain  
  
Wadding up another failed attempt to express him self in song he threw the paper at the trashcan, but missed and hit the wall. He sat back sadly and looked around his room trying to focus on anything but the empty paper in front of him and the guitar in his lap. His eyes wandered over and landed on the framed picture by his bedside. It was him and Nora, Amy and Matt. They had made it when they had all went to Gatlinburg on their last vacation. They had gone in one of those little photo shops and had their picture taken in vintage clothes. Amy and Nora were dressed as saloon girls. He and Matt were dressed as cowboys and the girls were sitting in their laps. He remembered sadly how much they had laughed that day and how tight he had held her as she sat in his lap. He wondered if they would ever be that happy again. He couldn't help but wonder if they would ever laugh like that again. At that moment the security that he had been so scared of was what he craved the most. He knew now that Nora would never have hurt him intentionally. He also knew that he was never going to be able to experience true happiness unless he got past his fears, put his past behind him and opened up and loved Nora the way she was meant to be loved. She had been there for him all along, never pushing, just waiting patiently for him to love her and he had been too stupid to see it. Looking down at the empty paper in front of him, he picked up his pen slowly and began to scribble out his revelation in song. It was a song from his heart; one that he hoped would bring a smile to Nora's face and reassurance to her heart.  
  
I can't write a love song the way I feel today  
  
I can't sing no song of hope I've got nothing to say  
  
Life is feeling kind of strange, it's strange enough these days  
  
I send this song to you, where ever you are  
  
As my guitar lies bleeding in my arms  
  
Yet again, getting disgusted, Jeff wadded up his latest attempt at a song and threw it to the trash pile that was building higher and higher next to the garbage can. Putting his guitar aside, he got up and began to pace around the room again. He stopped by the window, pulling the blinds back slightly to stare out into the darkness and then letting them fall back slowly he paced some more. This time he found himself sitting on the bed looking at the framed pictures he kept on the nightstand. There was the group picture from Gatlinburg, as well as some others. His favorite was a picture of him and Nora that was taken on his last birthday. They had gone to this little out of the way Mexican restaurant in the town that they were in. She had snuck off and told them the waiters that it was his birthday so they had all come from the back singing loudly. They had stuck a huge sombrero on his head and snapped a Polaroid after they put a little birthday cake in front of him. Nora had leaned over and put her arm around his neck so she could be in the picture too and she was laughing so hard when they took the picture that there were tears running down her cheeks. He had smiled big and goofy for the picture and then pulled her close for a kiss after that. It had been one of the best birthdays that he had ever had. Jeff shook his head, in a feeble attempt to shake the memory away. He wanted to have that kind of happiness again; he needed Nora in his life. She was his choice. He only hoped she still wanted him. He was hit by a burst of inspiration then and got up from the bed then, headed for where he had left his guitar and paper and pen by the chair. He then began scribbling furiously and picking out chords on his guitar, finally knowing what he wanted to say but still having problems putting it into words.  
  
Staring at the paper, I don't know what to write  
  
I'll have my last cigarette-well, turn out the lights  
  
Maybe tomorrow I'll fell a different way  
  
But here in my delusion, I don't know what to say  
  
Giving up for the final time that night and tossing the paper towards the trash, he put his guitar back in its case and locked it up. He realized that feelings like this could not be put into song just yet, these things had to be said. They had to be said straight from the heart. He got up from the chair again and made his way to the bed, picking up the telephone as he settled back against the headboard and began to dial her hotel room extension number. He looked over at the clock then and realized it was two in the morning. He hated to wake her but he knew he had to get this off his chest and he had to do it now while he still had the nerve. Someone picked up the phone on the third ring. "Helllo." came a sleep filled voice on the other end of the line. "Trish.this is Jeff. I'm really sorry to call so late and I hate to wake you but I have to talk to Nora, is she still up?" he said hurriedly and waited for her response. "Yeah Jeff she's awake, she has been up late every night since you two had your falling out. I hope you guys work this out soon these late nights are killing me." Trish replied. Jeff smiled and said "Thanks Trish. I hope we can work it out too." "Nora, talk to this boy" Trish said and Jeff could hear small noises as Trish passed the phone to Nora. "Jeff?" Nora asked, almost as if she couldn't believe he was calling her. "Yeah baby its me, we really need to talk" he replied. "Jeff listen," she started but he cut her off by saying " no Nora, please listen before you say anything. What you said the other night in the parking lot of that bar made me really think about some things and I've made the decision you said I was going to have to make. I choose you Nora. You are the one I want. The one I love. It's been you all along. I've just been too scared to say it. I've been a real idiot. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day. I love you baby and I want you in my life." "Oh Jeff, you don't know how bad I've wanted to hear you say that" Nora replied with an obvious smile in her voice and an uplift of spirits. Three hours later when the sun came up they were still on the phone. Jeff knew that he had done the right thing. He realized that he had done the right thing confronting his fears and just telling Nora how he felt instead of writing it or singing it. Sometimes she just needed to hear things straight from him.  
  
I can't write a love song the way I feel today  
  
I can't sing no song of hope I've got nothing to save  
  
And I can't fight the feelings buried in my brains  
  
I send this song to you, where ever you are  
  
As my guitar lies bleeding 


End file.
